lavendertook

I'm missing our fierce, sweet, curious Kimbra aka febobe so much. I hate that I will never get to meet her as I was hoping and hug her tight, at the same time, I'm glad she is out of pain and also out of the dark times we're in and not having the multiple horrid worries about getting her lupus meds and other care under these ongoing pandemic conditions.

She had one of the most open minds I have ever known and watching her take on issues and grow, delighted and impressed me. I had such admiration for her humility and willingness to listen to criticism when any of us thought she was in the wrong on a home issue. I love how hard she was working on her writing all through dealing with her myriad health issues and hope Rhune can carry on with them and get her more widely honored. Her enthusiasm and curiosity were also a delight, as well as her kindness. I loved her thoroughly hobbity preoccupation with food, though I admit I often tuned out on reading all the details she devoted to it, though I enjoyed the idea that she was writing them all out--the shopping, and storing, cooking, eating, eating out adventures, amounts of french dressing (OK, I did read some of them!) and missed a lot of what was going on with her in the skipping. She wrote more daily than I could keep up with, and dealt with more than I could bear to read some days--how incredibly strong she was.

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My mom died one year ago tonight. I think she did well to go then and not now--I do not think she would have liked experiencing this past year of the world. A year ago, Trump was still a joke candidate, and a total long shot. And yesterday, not to mention the past month, would have been a terrible send off for her. So it was a mercy.

More massacres. And Republicans running around without their masks on anymore. It is backlash culture--the masks off are the last ditch effort, and hopefully, November will prove that more people in the US are moving onward from there, but it's so not a sure thing that the spawn of the Koch Brothers won't prevail. I hope we can rally and get out the Democratic vote--and I hope Sanders' movement keeps momentum for pushing all branches of government to the left--if it fizzles then nothing will have been salvaged of this year.

It's unconscionable that the President has not been allowed to nominate a Supreme Court justice and I can't blame Ginsberg for losing her cool in light of this hijacking of our government by Republican thugs set on destroying our nation--she must be so demoralized by that empty seat that at the very least should have been under debate several times over by now, and the media has just buried the issue under.

My mom and I shared political views and, with all our personal differences, I rant to honor her. But today I am just really sad.

Five months ago, there was a Saki. I miss you, little girl.

I came across this sweet song vid yesterday by Meghan Trainor, and I have to say I really did love my Saki like I was going to lose her and was often brought to tears by something sweet she would do. She came to me 4 years after I lost petite meezer Stormie terribly when she was only 9, and my world came crashing down. It did take a couple of years for me to stop comparing Saki with Stormie and fully love all her similar, but not quite the same ways, as well as her different ways. She got to live out the full lifespan Storm did not, and I was constantly aware of Saki's eventual loss, and fearing it. I thought in some ways it was a wounded way to love and a sign of my brokenness, but maybe it is just a way of maturely loving in full understanding of our mortality. I never took my Saki for granted, and am grateful for all the cherished moments, and I do not regret wasted time not loving her the best I could. But 4 weeks ago, I learned the real reason why Sunday nights are so sad.


My high spirited girl on her lookout tower, about to fling her toys about.

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It's been 6 years since I lost my beautiful calitabby Milli to lung cancer. (Yeah, YOU try telling a cat to stop smoking.) She was Saki's big sister. Saki made Milli's life hell the first few months after I brought Saki home, but their finally getting along and sharing good play fights was something I was very proud of helping them to achieve.

Milli was a sporadic cuddler. She liked keeping life at paws length, but loved watching what went on around her, and loved judging it as problematic, and blinked the most loving looks. The beauty of her ticked fur with rich rust and peach highlights in the sun could take my breathe away.

I miss my sweet girl, but I'm glad for the time we had together, and am glad she passed on peacefully at the end of her too short life.