lavendertook

So who the fuck am I supposed to vote for, asshole?

I owe some fun posts here, but I need to vent politics right now and there are more feminists I can depend on here on DW than on FB where I've been posting my political thoughts and links the past year or so. So feel free to scroll on by if this is not your topic.

I was so livid last night it took hours to get to sleep. My fault for looking at the news before bed. Yes, I am responding to Joe Biden's 'If you believe her, you shouldn't vote for me." which is addressing me, personally, directly. And a whole lot of women, mostly, who have written eloquent, reasoned, principled articles and essays on believing Reade, and why they are voting for Biden anyway. Some with despair and anguish at making this choice. And fucking Biden just kicked sand in all our faces.

There are ways to thread this needle, to address her accusations, even if he believes himself innocent without making further offense, difficult as it is. But to attack all the people supporting her who have planned to vote for you anyway is beyond the pale. No, he does not get to express his feeling of offense that we dare take his accuser seriously anymore than Kavanaugh did and have it believed that he is any ally to women--and I'm tired of having his work on the Violence Against Women Act toted out as feminist credentials. You can be a complete patriarchal sexist and be opposed to violence against women, and work with feminists on it, without being in the least feminist. "We must protect the frailer sex" comes to mind, without a thought for how patriarchal oppression compounds size and physical differences.

But I do take his statement as a kick in the face when so many have written about the difficulty with which they have chosen to vote for him and of which he has to be well aware. What he is saying is "I am not your candidate and I don't need you to win", when he knows we are over a barrel because we can't vote for Trump and believe kicking Trump out is better for the world, including rape survivors and Reade herself, and chose voting for a man we believe to have sexually assaulted Reade. It is nastily manipulative, and remarkably echoing Reade's report of him telling her, "You are nothing to me!" when she proved non-pliable to his wishes. We are nothing and our votes don't matter. Fuck you, Biden.

And it's not just how absolutely incensed I am to be insulted by this politician for saying my vote doesn't matter to him. I think it's dangerously malevolent. Though plenty non-feminist reporters are finding his response wonderfully unexpected and honest, I think they are enjoying watching feminists get kicked by a man in power--it's a very traditional sport for misogynists. Is this how he's going to govern when crossed? How about all those progressive ideas the left is being told he will consider and how well he will respond when crossed? I don't trust him to not further punish feminists and other progressives when we cross him when he's in power. I don't trust him to not sell out the right to abortion. I could just as well see a move toward the Handmaid's Tale under him as well as Trump.

( Read more... )

It's not just Readercon and it's not only sexual harassment and the sexism that creates the environment for it. It's not just men in sf&f/nerd/geek spaces and the casual acceptance of sexual harassment that has made those spaces uncomfortable for me, and makes staying at home with the cats and talking with my friends online the better social option. Earlier this summer, I went to a local meet up for geek women, and "geek" here does seem to mean "fandom". It was a nice enough group, the organizer was fun, and I wanted to go again.

Then a couple of weeks ago, the organizer, who appears to be white (as did all the group at the meetup I attended, though there are a few women of color on the meetup list who weren't in attendance) made a racist and ableist comment meant to be a joke on the group mailing list/message board. And I've been debating whether to say something, which my hunch says will not be well received, or if I should just save the energy and walk away from the group, which would be the easier thing to do. I already skipped the last meet up.

I decided to give sociability and communicating about my discomfort with the racist/ableist comment a go, though I did focus more on the racist part of it. Below is the email I sent the organizer yesterday afternoon. I took a note from Jay Smooth and decided to leave out the "r'" word. If you think there's a gentler way I could have gotten my point across, and want to share to help me in future situations, please let me know. I've been in this position many times in the past in plenty of places and will be in it again many times in the future. And I don't always have the choice to stay home with the cats when it's not an optional social space like fandom, but instead a place of employment, for instance. So here's what I sent her, sans greeting, quote of the comment, and closure:
( My email, kvetching about white sf/f fan spaces, and the reply that then came below . . . )

No toleration of sexual harassment and the mandating of a permanent ban on harassers is NOT about punishment of the harasser. It's about protecting and supporting the harassed.

No one knows in advance if they will ever feel completely safe again in the presence of their sexual harasser or relive the humiliating feeling of being treated as prey any time they are in the harasser's presence, or worse levels of trauma. Many of us, like Kate Kligman who actively worked on several con commitees, have a tendency to drift away from places and situations where we have been treated badly, and effectively ban ourselves.

This Readercon policy should be in place to keep sufferers of sexual harassment from being lost to that community. Again, it's NOT about punishing the harasser; it IS about rallying around the harassed.

Might those who have been sexually harassed be afraid to come forward if the result is a permanent ban of the harasser? Yes--IF people keep acting like a permanent ban from one con is a damned jail sentence!

The ban does not even involve being required to perform community service or make any kind of amends whatsoever. It's not the loss of rights--it's the earned loss of a privilege, one that the harasser obviously took for granted. It does not prevent him from attending any number of other cons.

What the ban provides for the harassed is some measure of peace of mind for future con attendance, affirmation that her safety is important, and assurance that she is a valued member of the community, so that after what may have been an uncomfortable, anxiety inducing, frightening, or painful experience for her, she will actually want to come back again and participate in the community.

When people wring their hands over what a terrible punishment being permanently banned from a con for sexual harassment is, what does get minimized in the consciousness of the harassed is her place in the community. Whether she is a valued member there or is at all welcome comes into question for her. Is your safety and well-being considered less important than the harasser's continued presence? Can you ever feel at home in a place where you have been marked as territory and called upon to fight for your autonomy just to be in a space that others can walk in freely without having to fight?

Nitpicking at the policy because you think all decrees should involve wiggle room, when there is already wiggle room in the Readercon board's determining whether or not the action is a case of outright harassment in the first place, further demeans the needs of the harassed. This minimizing effect makes the decision harder for those who experience harassment to come forward in the future. The minimization's effects can extend to everyone who has been subjected to sexual harassment. I know I feel it.

I know the sexual harasser may be a friend. Think less about him and focus on the harassed as the person whose continued presence in that community is now very much AT RISK, and must be ensured by the community taking action for her safety and peace of mind.

I greatly admire glvalentine and vschanoes for the magnificent fight they are waging in resistance to minimization of their worth and to make con culture better. They are demonstrating just how women backing each other up is truly done. I wish them their energy back for better things for themselves.

Roundup of links on the Readercon fail has been kindly provided by bcholmes here.

Addendum: vschanoes has written a petition to ask the board to resign, apologize to glvalentine, ban Rene Walling, and put people with a clue in place to make decisions. You can read it here and you can add you name to the petition here. Feel free to sign in anonymously so you can submit your given, rather than LJ/DW name.