OK, so it's like . . . time

[lavendertook]

Deadline for my second extension to finish up all requirements to be ABD (all but dissertation) is January 1st for me. I passed the goddamn written and oral exams a good couple years ago now, I passed the language requirement, I finished all my course work, except . . . for 2 courses I took incomplete's in and owe 2 seminar papers. So either they get done (notice passive tense) by January 1st, or I'm thru with this whole thing.

Problem is I'm ambivalent. There's so much I hate about academia now--I'm not sure if I want to go on. Parts of teaching I love; parts I despise. If I meet my deadline, then I've got a book length dissertation to write--it would be on my beloved Margaret Cavendish, but my writing struggles will continue. And then, if I want to go on, I get to engage in the fun world of academic job hunting which makes applying for normal jobs look like a lark. And that could go on for years, and I still might not land a job.

And I don't really care about "making it" in real world terms anymore. But . . . I think I'd still feel better about myself if I actually accomplished this thing. And life really is easier if you can claim something that has societal value, even if you know its not really what's important.

So, if I can start taking an hour a day when I get home from work, just an hour a day to start working on this paper, I could do this thing. And not be a mad woman in December. And I can keep playing MESPT, which is the thing that has creatively reinvigorated me (so agrees the assessment of oldest buddy who just visited me), as a reward, for the rest of the evening after that little hour of disciplined intellectual (hahaha) work. Yup. Nine siamese cats out of ten agree.

Comments

You've GOT to finish! GOT TO!!!

[abandonada.livejournal.com]

Oh, the many comments to your entry I could make! But won't take your valuable time.

Discipline yourself! Get that degree! Like I'm anyone to tell you what to do. The relief you'll feel at having finished!

I've flirted with the idea of doing a doctorate SO many times and keep looking at different programs. PLEASE finish!

Sorry for projecting my own dreams upon you. Just that you're in a position that I'd love to be, so close to the goal.

And get it done before Two Towers comes out! :-) end of rant

Re: You've GOT to finish! GOT TO!!!

[lavendertook.livejournal.com]

*stops rearranging her Frodo and Bingo action figures in the seat of their rickshaw, props up her Xena and Gabrielle action figures on their park bench, and goes to read your entry*

*nods* Actually, I'm in the place that tons of people stay for life--ABD--except I'm not even quite ABD yet. Just another bitter, disgruntled grad student worn out by years of humiliating low paying jobs without even Matt Goening rabbit ears to show for it. (-: And I'd rather be illustrating an edition of Cavendish's stories and plays than theorizing about them right now.

What kind of programs have you been looking into?

-HUGS- But thank you so much for the encouragement, sweetie! I'm gonna try! I am!

Yeah, aiming for that Dec 18th deadline is a very good idea. (-:

[abandonada.livejournal.com]

Am finally answering some comments. This LJ stuff can be really time consuming!

Well, I guess my field is education for the younger kiddies. So I've been looking into Instructional Technology or Communication. Who knows what to pick? Whatever I choose, I hope that I like - no, LOVE it since I'll be married to it for many years.

You just keep up your end of it. You are such a fine writer. And you can draw/paint as well? My, my.

[lavendertook.livejournal.com]

It is indeed! Especially switching imbetween accounts.

(-: Communication seems like more fun than the first.

Aw, thank you. Yeah, it's my natural skill. I think I majored in language and lit so I could finally get the damn thing right. And I didn't want to come to hate doing art work by making my living by it, but now I hardly do any at all.)-: But I will again.(-: