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Deadline for my second extension to finish up all requirements to be ABD (all but dissertation) is January 1st for me. I passed the goddamn written and oral exams a good couple years ago now, I passed the language requirement, I finished all my course work, except . . . for 2 courses I took incomplete's in and owe 2 seminar papers. So either they get done (notice passive tense) by January 1st, or I'm thru with this whole thing.
Problem is I'm ambivalent. There's so much I hate about academia now--I'm not sure if I want to go on. Parts of teaching I love; parts I despise. If I meet my deadline, then I've got a book length dissertation to write--it would be on my beloved Margaret Cavendish, but my writing struggles will continue. And then, if I want to go on, I get to engage in the fun world of academic job hunting which makes applying for normal jobs look like a lark. And that could go on for years, and I still might not land a job.
And I don't really care about "making it" in real world terms anymore. But . . . I think I'd still feel better about myself if I actually accomplished this thing. And life really is easier if you can claim something that has societal value, even if you know its not really what's important.
So, if I can start taking an hour a day when I get home from work, just an hour a day to start working on this paper, I could do this thing. And not be a mad woman in December. And I can keep playing MESPT, which is the thing that has creatively reinvigorated me (so agrees the assessment of oldest buddy who just visited me), as a reward, for the rest of the evening after that little hour of disciplined intellectual (hahaha) work. Yup. Nine siamese cats out of ten agree.
Problem is I'm ambivalent. There's so much I hate about academia now--I'm not sure if I want to go on. Parts of teaching I love; parts I despise. If I meet my deadline, then I've got a book length dissertation to write--it would be on my beloved Margaret Cavendish, but my writing struggles will continue. And then, if I want to go on, I get to engage in the fun world of academic job hunting which makes applying for normal jobs look like a lark. And that could go on for years, and I still might not land a job.
And I don't really care about "making it" in real world terms anymore. But . . . I think I'd still feel better about myself if I actually accomplished this thing. And life really is easier if you can claim something that has societal value, even if you know its not really what's important.
So, if I can start taking an hour a day when I get home from work, just an hour a day to start working on this paper, I could do this thing. And not be a mad woman in December. And I can keep playing MESPT, which is the thing that has creatively reinvigorated me (so agrees the assessment of oldest buddy who just visited me), as a reward, for the rest of the evening after that little hour of disciplined intellectual (hahaha) work. Yup. Nine siamese cats out of ten agree.