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Why "I'm sorry" and NOT "What I meant" is a good starting point:
It really isn't that hard to respond with a suitable apology to objections about your saying something insensitive or that could obviously be taken as insensitive, even if you didn't mean it that way in the context in which you said it, if you respect your audience. Trying to explain away or deny the original comment's possible implications, and not the original comment itself, always creates the fail scenario. If you don't make a clear and unequivocal apology demonstrating your respect for the objector, your friends or fans will burn and pillage to try to defend you and justify their own views.
Right here, Debbie Reese looks at a remark Neil Gaiman made and explains why she finds it troubling, and asks whether anyone ever publicly discussed that quote again with NG before she came across it.
Quite contrary to jumping to conclusions and accusations, she is offering NG an opportunity to clarify his statement in the context of why she finds it troubling, and to give an opportunity to anyone in his reading community who read the comment before to also discuss it and reflect on why they did not remark upon it before. She explains the cost of using the phrase "a few dead Indians" which reinforces the idea that there weren't thriving Native American civilizations for centuries before European encroachment, and aids the erasure of the continued existence of First Nations' cultures and peoples. Many education systems in the US and worldwide still fail to discuss this, and even contradict this fact. It doesn't matter that you may be better informed yourself--a great many more people are not.
For her reasonable query and explanation, within a few hours, Debbie Reese is accused of lacking reading skills by 8 commenters rushing to Neil Gaiman's defense. She is accused of looking for ridiculous reasons to be offended by 6, of bringing up an issue of little importance by 6, of being too emotional/over-sensitive by 3, and of being a self-involved jerk by 2. And I'm not even including the vitriol that was thrown at both Debbie Reese and![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kynn at Kynn's journal. None of this behavior is surprising or new, and keeps happening over and over again. The bingo card is full.
Much of these insults from his fans to DG could have been avoided if NG had right off the bat apologized and resisted being flippant about injustice to a marginalized and underprivileged group to which he does not belong. The line in his response about Vikings is indeed flippant, making light of real live people who have an investment in their culture and representation. That it is not a good idea to respond flippantly when called on a flippant comment you made seems like a no brainer. He explained what he meant, but he did not apologize for making a statement that does have an impact on actual living First Nations people who are not part of his intimate circle.
Other ways to avoid this are to stop imagining that your audience is just the societal privileged default--because if NG was thinking about diverse Native American people being in his audience when he spoke, he might have chosen his words differently. And start accepting that you will fuck up at some point in how you discuss or react to marginalized and oppressed groups to which you do not belong, and even ones you do, because your current society is still designed to make you do that when you aren't reflecting upon it--we (and I do mean "we") are not post-anything globally, and you don't think in a vacuum.
"I'm sorry I did that and see what damage it can cause now that you pointed it out" comes before "I didn't mean that--this is what I meant..." The "you pointed it out" thing honors the experience and knowledge of the person from the marginalized or oppressed group concerning their own culture, offering some redress for the authority that was denied to them by a racist culture--that's a good start for owning the ignorance that one's own privilege fosters. That's usually what's wanted here--nothing more and nothing less.
ithiliana posted a link round-up and good info on why the subject of graveyards and dead Indians might be a sensitive topic for many Native Americans.
It really isn't that hard to respond with a suitable apology to objections about your saying something insensitive or that could obviously be taken as insensitive, even if you didn't mean it that way in the context in which you said it, if you respect your audience. Trying to explain away or deny the original comment's possible implications, and not the original comment itself, always creates the fail scenario. If you don't make a clear and unequivocal apology demonstrating your respect for the objector, your friends or fans will burn and pillage to try to defend you and justify their own views.
Right here, Debbie Reese looks at a remark Neil Gaiman made and explains why she finds it troubling, and asks whether anyone ever publicly discussed that quote again with NG before she came across it.
Quite contrary to jumping to conclusions and accusations, she is offering NG an opportunity to clarify his statement in the context of why she finds it troubling, and to give an opportunity to anyone in his reading community who read the comment before to also discuss it and reflect on why they did not remark upon it before. She explains the cost of using the phrase "a few dead Indians" which reinforces the idea that there weren't thriving Native American civilizations for centuries before European encroachment, and aids the erasure of the continued existence of First Nations' cultures and peoples. Many education systems in the US and worldwide still fail to discuss this, and even contradict this fact. It doesn't matter that you may be better informed yourself--a great many more people are not.
For her reasonable query and explanation, within a few hours, Debbie Reese is accused of lacking reading skills by 8 commenters rushing to Neil Gaiman's defense. She is accused of looking for ridiculous reasons to be offended by 6, of bringing up an issue of little importance by 6, of being too emotional/over-sensitive by 3, and of being a self-involved jerk by 2. And I'm not even including the vitriol that was thrown at both Debbie Reese and
kynn at Kynn's journal. None of this behavior is surprising or new, and keeps happening over and over again. The bingo card is full. Much of these insults from his fans to DG could have been avoided if NG had right off the bat apologized and resisted being flippant about injustice to a marginalized and underprivileged group to which he does not belong. The line in his response about Vikings is indeed flippant, making light of real live people who have an investment in their culture and representation. That it is not a good idea to respond flippantly when called on a flippant comment you made seems like a no brainer. He explained what he meant, but he did not apologize for making a statement that does have an impact on actual living First Nations people who are not part of his intimate circle.
Other ways to avoid this are to stop imagining that your audience is just the societal privileged default--because if NG was thinking about diverse Native American people being in his audience when he spoke, he might have chosen his words differently. And start accepting that you will fuck up at some point in how you discuss or react to marginalized and oppressed groups to which you do not belong, and even ones you do, because your current society is still designed to make you do that when you aren't reflecting upon it--we (and I do mean "we") are not post-anything globally, and you don't think in a vacuum.
"I'm sorry I did that and see what damage it can cause now that you pointed it out" comes before "I didn't mean that--this is what I meant..." The "you pointed it out" thing honors the experience and knowledge of the person from the marginalized or oppressed group concerning their own culture, offering some redress for the authority that was denied to them by a racist culture--that's a good start for owning the ignorance that one's own privilege fosters. That's usually what's wanted here--nothing more and nothing less.
ithiliana posted a link round-up and good info on why the subject of graveyards and dead Indians might be a sensitive topic for many Native Americans.Tags:
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<==Sean and Saki sharing an expression (-:
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Well said, Lavender Took. But why do we have to keep saying it?
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Thank you, Ms. Nye! Because all the snappy comeback lines have been used already? ;-P
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*shakes head at people*
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Dear everybody:
Please learn to say those incredibly useful words:
"I'm so sorry. I really screwed that up, and I'll try to do better."
And then go and do better.
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