RIP, Sweet Kitty

[lavendertook]

Moo/Mooshka/Mooshkin
Moo Brandybuck Breakstone
PriMoola Brandybuck
Princess Holstein the Winsome

April 1, 2005 (approx) - Dec 2, 2019

Moo was fading. She wouldn't eat any of the dozens of foods I set before her, and though the rugs I put down everywhere and padded steps helped her getting around better to get to her closer water and litter box stations, her front legs were beginning to go. I was giving her subcutaneous fluids at home over the weekend, and though they make them feel better over all, she was always weaker for hours after injection of them until the imbalance of the fluid bulge dispersed.

In the middle of the night last night, her breathing started to be more labored and she peed her little bed because she didn't have the strength to get up. So in the morning I determined it was time--I was afraid she was suffering with the labored breathing. And I was getting less able to get up and help her in the middle of the night after slipping on one the rugs and falling T-Day night. I took care of Tuxie's food and insulin and loved her up some more and took her to go. Tuxie didn't want to say goodbye--her breathing scared him and he turned his back on us and looked scared when I brought her to him to say goodbye.

I sat with her a couple of hours at the vet, as it turned out, because she was busy in surgery. Moo seemed stronger, her breathing back to normal, and more alert than she had been--she meowed, and made clear she wanted something. I asked for a litterbox and a cup of water brought--it was the water she wanted and she drank a lot. The strength was all probably due to the adrenaline surge of going to the vet. Otherwise I sat with her in my arms and lap, petting her, blinking love to each other as she rested. I had second thoughts as she seemed stronger, but Dr. S told me she's probably feeling worse than weak--kidney failure makes you feel lousy and nauseous.

I had a week to love her up and she blinked it back, and laid her head in my hand and paw on my lap, and seemed comforted by being carried as she always loved, but also cleaned up. She was so willing to accept help, letting me help her position her struggling legs in walking and sitting up by her water bowls and getting her tail out of the way in the litter box and purred at being cleaned up with wipes and fluffed with towels. I don't think my Saki or most other cats I know would have accepted this much help and be comforted by it. But all I needed was for her to have a fall and injure herself further or go into respiratory arrest and go in a painful and scary way. So it was time.

I held Moo in my arms, petting her and loving her as she looked back with tired love, and the Dr gave her the drugs through a catheter as she slipped away gently and was gone before I knew it.

Moo hunted me down outside my old apartment. She'd follow me down to the town center and the gym and I'd carry her back in my arms--she'd be full of delighted purrs at this--it was always her favorite thing, along with sitting in the sun. And Tuxie, her little feral shadow kitten, would cautiously but tenaciously follow behind us. I never aspired to have a black and white cow kitty--I'm imprinted for siamese cats but tabbies and calicoes have always turned my head, too. But now I'll always feel that special affection for cow kitties.

She hunted me down and I took her in my arms and carried her and loved her and then she was gone. That was Mooshka.

I hope to be able to dig a hole deep enough in the yard to plant the apricot tree and bury her beneath it. I don't know if I have the strength to get through that much clay--I may need to find someone to hire to help. But the vet is holding her body for now until I work this out. And now I need to love up Tuxie, because his relationship with his mom was complicated, and I think he knows she was dying and is gone, but we'll get through this together.

Comments

[just_ann_now]

I am so sorry to hear this - I thought about you often today. Much love to you and Tuxie. ♥

[lavendertook]

Thank you for listening/reading my heart spillings yesterday. It really helped. I was hoping she'd have a little comeback this weekend and find a food she'd eat and carry on a little longer, but making her linger without that would have been wronging her, and her breathing last night told me so, and the vet confirmed it. Thank you. I'm loving on the Tux curled up right next to me and missing my sweet Moo (which may not be how Tux thinks of her).

[baranduin]

Yes, love up Tuxie. Harry was very affected by Teddy dying.

You did good, my friend. Blessings on all of you.

[lavendertook]

Tuxie was so very patient watching me bring Moo dozens of foods these past few days that she refused, but that he would have gladly taken off our hands, and did not get in the way at all--for which he deserves so many catatarian awards for Valiant Restraint in the Face of Gratuitous Food, even if he did have to take the first whizz in each new litter box I put down for her. He is wrapped in fleece next to me.

Thank you, sweetie. I miss my Moosh. I hope she won't mind that it's Saki and Milli greeting her across the bridge and guiding her to Primroses.

[baranduin]

Tonks, Teddy and Scout are there too :-)

[lavendertook]

Good. They can get between Moo and Saki if tensions arise. Maybe Saki and Moo will finally be able to bond by complaining about the "Prettier Than Anyone Else" Club that Tonks, Milli, and Scout have going.(-:

[ancalime8301]

****HUGS****

[lavendertook]

*hugs back*

[zhelana]

I'm so sorry.

[lavendertook]

Thank you.

[crantz]

What a good long life Moo had! I'm glad you were with her in the end. I hope the pain heals soon.

[lavendertook]

Thank you. I don't think it ever heals--you just find more love to splash over it.

[febobe]

Oh, honey, I am so sorry. I am sorry you slipped and had that happen, esp now, of all times, and I will be praying for you...but I will be praying for you all the more as you and Tuxie grieve this loss. Bless you for having such courage in these final days and hours. I think Moo knew that she was very fortunate having y'all. Please try to take comfort in knowing that you went above and beyond to do all you could to make her last days as good as possible, and you stayed with her at the end, through the hardness of having to say goodbye for now.

*hugs snugs loves*

[lavendertook]

Thank you, sweetie. I'm humbled by the love she showered on me in those last days as she accepted help for things a cat would usually pull away from. She was a sweet little girl.

I have bruises in all kinds of places from the fall, but thankfully nothing worse. *hugs you*

[wallace_trust]

I am so very sorry you and Moo had to go through this, but glad there was a peaceful resolution. I'm also glad that you still have Tuxie and Tuxie has you as you both deal with the aftermath.

Burying her beneath an apricot tree is a wonderful idea. We also have a special kitty cat tree under which ours are buried.

Many, many hugs. ❤️🐈❤️

[lavendertook]

Thank you, my friend. I so wish she had longer, but I did not expect her to have a very long life and figured the pancreatitis would get her sooner than later, and kidney disease is a typical outgrowth of that, poor baby. She hadn't been as squiggly a kitty as she had been for a few years, if that makes sense. She was so full of love and it was so hard to let her go. Her trust in me to do for her was humbling.

Tuxie is a comfort, even though he'd rather stay downstairs all night sleeping on his patrol. I don't think he's mourning her as he did for Saki, but they were there for each other when things were scary and new right after the move. I hope not to make him wait long for a kitty companion that he might enjoy more.

The soil is being a lot easier to dig than it was this summer, thank goodness.

[elwendell]

I'm crying for you, here! I'm sorry you've lost Moo. You'll meet her again some day, and in the meantime you have some beautiful memories and she got a lot of love.

[lavendertook]

Thank you, my dear! *passes the tissue box* She gave me a lot of love and so much at the end. It was so hard to let her go, but I'm glad I didn't make her stay longer. *hugs*

[glaurung]

I’m sorry.

[lavendertook]

Thank you.

[oracne]

I am so sorry.

[lavendertook]

Thank you.

[primwood]

My Bijou acted "fine" when I got him to the vet the day I decided he had suffered enough. He purred at me and looked out the window at the scene outside. I always wondered if I'd let him go too soon. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'll always love him. And I know your Moo got the very best of a full life because you loved her so much. She and you were lucky to have had one another.

May she come to your in your dreams, now.

My deepest sympathies.

[lavendertook]

I think there's always doubt, but I think when we love them like you loved Bijou and I loved Moo, you never let them go too soon. As the vet reaffirmed with Moo, they were both doing better at the vet because of the adrenaline surge of being taken there to this non-home place that is not a place they consider safe, even if our loving them there comforts them. He would have suffered more if you brought him back home. If I turned around and took Moo home she probably would have quickly gotten worse because adrenaline surges sap a lot of energy afterwards, as I'm sure you have experienced too. The few hours Moo was breathing heavy before we got to the vet was more than I hoped to keep her from experiencing.

We were lucky to find each other and the bitter comes with all the sweetness I am so glad to have shared with the Mooshiest Mooshy that ever Mooshed. Thank you, dear one.

[minoanmiss]

You and Tuxie have all my condolences.

[lavendertook]

Thank you.

[claudia603]

*sending you so much love* This brought me to tears. I remember meeting Moo a few times. What a sweet kitty! I'm so sorry.

My kitties across the bridge are Mao and Yanka. Yanka is hellava neurotic, but Mao is the sweetest Siamese (blue-point) you'll ever meet. ♥ ♥

[lavendertook]

Thank you, my friend. *hugs*

Do Mao and/or Yanka greet Moo at Primroses, or are they doing something else?

[claudia603]

Mao would certainly have greeted Moo and showered her with love, but Yanka would be slinking around looking for trouble! :)

[hanarobi]

I came on-line just to check in on her. I was expecting to see this entry. And yet, it was still heartbreaking to see it.

I think you loved her very well. And she loved you just as much.

Yes, please please figure out a way to get her buried under the apricot tree. That is a lovely forever-place for her.

I'm so sorry she has gone. Please take care of yourself and Tuxie.

[lavendertook]

I was overwhelmed by the love and trust she put in me in those last days letting me help her position her feet so she could brace herself better to drink out of the higher cups she wanted to drink out of rather than the lower one ones, and get them out of the way along with her tail in the litter box, and clean her up after the box without any fuss--she did have the energy to resist, but she leaned into it with comfort and love in her eyes. She knew how to accept help with such grace. Her lesson is a precious gift I never expected.

I got it more than half dug today--the clay soil is turning over a lot easier than it did this summer, thank goodness. I am comforted that this will work.

It was so hard to let her go. It is a comfort to have Tuxie here. Thank you. <3

[doro]

Sorry for disappearing (bad connection and then none today).

I think you did well for both of you. May your heart and mind be soothed in this painful time.

Thank you for the end story, and for the lovely beginning story :)

♥

[lavendertook]

Thank you. <3