I'm feeling lonely and unmotivated even though I have so much to do. All I really want to do these days when home is to sit and read novels beside purring cats. I don't give myself enough permission to just do that. Tuxie is sleeping next to me--he's gotten to be my constant snoozy lefthand fuzzy attachment whenever I sit the past year since Saki died, and I am lucky to have him and appreciate what good company he is. He and Moo are very good and easy companions. Except I worry because they sleep too much even for cats and I worry if I should be doing more to try to get them a little more active. It's been a couple of years since either climbed the cat trees at all and they jump up on very little. But my perceptions of how active cats should be may be skewed by having grown up with siamese cats who tend to be a little more active, and these guys are 10 and 11 years old. Do ya'll worry about your pet parenting? Gotta learn to let go of what I can't control and solve (snoozy cats gonna snooze), and be easy on me and give me some love.
I cancelled going to a scifi meet up luncheon in DC this afternoon due to the excessive heat today and expensive parking. And I have so much clean up to do around the house--the more I get done the happier I will feel so I'm going to concentrate on that. One pile at a time. Go through papers. Throw things out--make my habitat something I can feel good in--and when I accomplish that, get back to making and studying and creating. I feel so boring.
July and August so far have been mega-hot, which is extra hard because of the anti-cancer med I'm on and will be for 2 more years, then I hope will be better--yes. And it's been a time filled with Trumphobia, which has felt like the nightmare where you are running but are getting slower and slower as if you're going through molasses and IT's getting closer--I know so many of us are sharing the same nightmare feeling. But that has been easing up the past weeks with the polls. Nate Silver's blog
is my Happy Place. It's been a tough month on so many of my friends.
I can't wait until late September when walks will become a joy again. Just a couple more weeks. Spring and autumn, those are my seasons.
I had the yearly thyroid ultrasound on Thursday, and will see the endocrinologist in 2 weeks with hopes that my thyroid nodules have not grown. We've been monitoring this for 2 years and so far so good. Doctors visits make me nervous since the breast precancer diagnosis--I hope I can go back to them being routine sooner than later. My spirits are more down than up, but this is a year of grief and recovery from health problems, trauma, and family losses. Next year will be better, right?
I saw my first monarch butterfly of the season yesterday by the lake. I went back last night and looked up my Verid entries. Remember Verid
the monarch and the adventures she
took me on? If you didn't know me in 2012, you might like these pics and stories. I still have good caterpillar and chrysalis pics of her I never uploaded. I will have to download them from the back up drive sometime and post.
I listen to NPR radio a lot. The weekend NPR shows that used to delight or interest me make me more often anxious the last couple of years. Is it me (a glass of water makes you anxious, child), or the stories they are telling? Anyone else having this problem? Will talk about the couple of movies and books I've enjoyed lately in another post.
OK, off to get Things Done. I hope this weekend is treating you all well. *hugs my flist*